Max Scoville's Wet Burlap Sack of Unbridled Hatred

Hey Max, So I have a problem introducing myself in new social situations. When I'm in a group of new people Im perceived as shy & really quiet. I don't mind meeting new people, but I have no idea what to say & feel awkward & usually don't say anything. I'm not really funny & I'm afraid I'll say something stupid. I know that's not really the case but I have a hard time psyching myself up to actually try. Your always so funny and confident, any advice you could give I would really appreciate.

Wed, 22 May 2013 00:34:20 -0400

I have basically no idea how to talk to people and I’m terrifically awkward and constantly insecure. I’ve just had practice hiding it. Being funny takes practice too, but a lot of it also comes from not caring what people think. I say so much stupid shit, constantly, and half the time nobody laughs, but fuck it, I like making jokes.

It sounds like you get stuck in your head worrying about what people think of you, but at the same time, you’re worried about being perceived as the shy quiet guy. There’s nothing wrong with being the shy quiet guy, but if you’re not happy being the shy quiet guy, you should try and fix that.

You don’t sound like an asshole, so it’s a pity you’re keeping to yourself, because there are plenty of assholes out there running around not giving a shit what people think of them.

There’s really nobody stopping you from speaking up and saying hello, except you. You’ve just gotta kick yourself in the ass to get out of your shell, and if it’s awkward, that’s okay, you’ll live. Try again. Fake it till you make it.

bricesander: Miley speaks for us all. Miley Cyrus honestly...

Tue, 21 May 2013 09:47:33 -0400

bricesander:

Miley speaks for us all.

Miley Cyrus honestly seems pretty cool.

I have a relationship issue. So my girlfriend refuses to let me eat her out but also refuses to let me say no to a blowjob this is becoming an issue. Any advice Mr. Scoville. k thanks bye. I love your hair btw.

Tue, 21 May 2013 09:43:34 -0400

Well, first of all, count your blessings, because it could be the other way around and then you wouldn’t have anything to brag about to your guy friends.

My best advice is talk to her about it. Maybe she’s self-conscious, or maybe she’s more into getting somebody else off. Either way, your girlfriend probably has more insight to the politics of your sex life than I do, so man up and go tell her what’s on your mind.

Or, OR: cover your dick in caterpillars so she won’t want to blow you anymore. Unless she’s really into caterpillars in which case seek professional help.

Photo

Mon, 20 May 2013 22:43:55 -0400

I have my own show! I recommend a variety of pop-culture media...

Mon, 20 May 2013 14:55:00 -0400

I have my own show! I recommend a variety of pop-culture media in the same vein as a particular video game, and I pretend I’m a teacher! It’s like a hip gritty reboot of Reading Rainbow for the 21st century, to get the damn teens to try some new things instead of just shooting things in their Xstation 360s.

(Reblog this or I will go homeless and die.)

Crabbercrombie & Bitch

Mon, 20 May 2013 00:01:00 -0400

There’s something that’s been bothering me for the past few weeks.

It all started with that article about how Abercrombie & Fitch doesn’t sell larger-sized clothes for women because it conflicts with the brand image. Business Insider posted some quotes from CEO Mike Jeffries where he said that they wanted to make clothes for the “cool kids,” and that overweight girls don’t fall into that category. He said, point blank, “Are we exclusionary? Absolutely”

News of this made everyone reach for their torches and pitchforks, rushing to their social media platform of choice to share this atrocious revelation: Abercrombie & Fitch is a clothing company run by assholes.

Of course, the problem is, this isn’t news. This “no fat chicks” article was built around quotes pulled from an 2006 interview, but it apparently didn’t make of a splash then… otherwise I wouldn’t be writing about it in 2013.

Abercrombie & Fitch has always been a clothing brand by and for assholes. They make clothes for preps and jocks. Their clothing is overpriced and generally pretty heavily smeared with branding, and not stocking women’s pants over size ten isn’t the worst thing they’ve ever done. Remember when they made thongs for ten year olds? Or how about when they had to pull those racist teeshirts? Or, shit, what about that time they were mentioned in the chorus to that awful LFO song, “Summer Girls?” Let’s not even mention the shallow hiring/firing practices based on appearance.

They’re kind of a shitty company. I’ve never shopped there, so I guess I’m doing my part. However, they’re not responsible for oil spills that kill wildlife, or banking practices that fuck up the economy and leave people homeless. They just don’t sell women’s clothing over a certain size because, like I said, they’re kind of a shitty company.

I’m six and a half feet tall, mostly because I have giant gangly stork legs. The inseam for my pants is thirty-six inches, which is exactly two inches above the longest inseam most stores manufacture, let alone have in stock. When I do find jeans in my size, there’s usually a pretty limited selection to choose from. It sucks, but hey, there’s nothing I can do about it.

This kerfuffle about Abercrombie & Fitch, meanwhile, seems to be more focused on the limited selections of waist sizes than the inseams. The fundamental difference between inseams and waist sizes? It’s possible to fit into a smaller size by losing weight.

Oh, yeah. I went there. I used to have a 40” waist in high school. Now I’m a 33”. I’m very familiar with body image issues, but at no point in my time as an unpopular fat kid did I ever blame my problems on a clothing company for not selling my size.

In the wake of social media outrage over Mike Jeffries’ 2006 “no fat chicks” interview, one dude put up a YouTube video in which he buys a bunch of used Abercrombie & Fitch clothes from thrift stores, and hands them out to the homeless. At the end, he proposes everyone else do the same, and then share it online with the hashtag #FitchTheHomeless. The idea is, if Abercrombie & Fitch only wants “cool kids” giving their clothes to the homeless will ruin that image.

Now, let’s put this in perspective. This dude went on a charity rampage, giving away clothes to the homeless, not, y’know, out of the goodness of his heart, but because hey, if a corporation doesn’t want fat girls wearing its merchandise, let’s teach them a lesson by giving those clothes to people who have nothing.

It’s awesome that this dude is promoting charity. It sucks, however, that he’s doing it out of spite and for a completely petty reason. Sure, he’s giving some free shit to poor people. He’s also using them as human props in a fucking YouTube video that currently has six million views. If you’re gonna give clothes to the poor, do it for the sake of helping others, not because you’re mad about something some guy said.

It’s also probably worth mentioning that one of the first things the guy does in his YouTube video is criticize the Abercrombie CEO’s appearance, which is funny, since the whole issue here is over judging people by their looks. So much for taking the high road.

The reality is, anyone who can afford to shop at Abercrombie & Fitch, can probably afford to join a gym or go on a diet. Ironically, Abercrombie & Fitch claims they’re going after the “attractive all-American kid,” which is hilarious when you consider that America is the fattest country in the world. The fashion industry puts a lot of fucked-up ideals in the heads of women about how they should or shouldn’t look, but at the same time, 35% of American adults are obese.

I’m not saying we should give Mike Jeffries a medal, or even shop at his store, but there’s some Idiocracy-esque logic surrounding the reaction to his comments in an interview from seven years ago.

Ladies, if you want to shop at Abercrombie & Fitch, but you wear a larger size, you’ve got two viable options: 1) Lose a little weight, preferably by healthy means like diet or exercise, or 2) take your business elsewhere. Like H&M, for instance, which is cheaper, carries clothing in larger sizes, and has pictures of Beyonce on the shopping bags, instead of half naked people who look funeral portraits of Dawson’s Creek extras.

Okay. That’s it, I’m done.

Have you ever considered cosplaying? I personally feel like you'd pull off the best Spike Spiegel. Not only are you very tall but you have the face for it too.

Sat, 18 May 2013 22:55:30 -0400

Spike Spiegel is my #1 choice for cosplay if I ever get up the courage to do it, since his character design looks like something a person could actually wear in real life and still get laid.

Photo

Fri, 17 May 2013 21:49:43 -0400

HÖRK BLOÖDSNURG

Fri, 17 May 2013 20:50:47 -0400

HÖRK BLOÖDSNURG

I really need some new business cards where I don’t just...

Thu, 16 May 2013 17:26:02 -0400

I really need some new business cards where I don’t just blatantly lie about my job description.

Wednesday Fettsday

Wed, 15 May 2013 13:39:39 -0400

Wednesday Fettsday

Hey Max, I want to start writing a bit more than I do now, but I want to write in a place where at least someone will see it. You mentioned having a live journal before, where would be the best place today to post that kind of stuff.

Wed, 15 May 2013 12:46:12 -0400

I used Livejournal because that’s what my friends used. Now I use Twitter the same way, in shorter form. It’s where I have an audience.

Tumblr’s not a bad place to write stuff, though you’ll probably get more traction reblogging pictures of butts and screencaps of TV shows. There’s also Blogspot, though there’s less of a community there, last time I checked. It’s technically very possible to use Facebook and Google+ as blogging platforms. Shit, there are people who blog on Instagram, though that’s completely missing the goddamn point.

Just go write stuff. And after you write it, link people to it. Keep doing it until people are reading it on their own. That’s really all there is to it. It’s not gonna make you rich, but it’ll get you in the habit of writing. Hell, writing internet comments is good practice.

Yeah!

Tue, 14 May 2013 20:21:54 -0400

Yeah!

SO...How excited are you with Pokemon XY? The new pokemon, the rumored Fairy type? The look?

Tue, 14 May 2013 13:17:56 -0400

Honestly, I’m not that excited. Black and White were awesome because it was a whole new generation, and sort of a fresh start for the series. I’ve always liked Pokémon for the little animals, less for the stats and collecting and battle stuff, and certainly not for the absolutely buttfucking abysmally clunky menu systems.

The look of the Pokémon I’ve seen so far haven’t really impressed me. I like Chespin, though everyone else seems to be crazy about Froakie and Fennekin. To me, they just look like lazily drawn cartoon animals, and with the exception of the goat that’s covered in leaves who you can ride on, I feel the same way about the rest of them that have been revealed.

Considering how much money is behind Pokémon, and how much money it makes, it sort of bums me out that nobody at Nintendo and Game Freak has sat down and been like “Okay, there are millions of people who will buy this game no matter what, because they’ve bought every game in the series, but what if we actually tried some new shit.” But of course, that won’t ever happen. Because Japanese Businessmen, and other reasons.

Go look at Ni No Kuni and Skylanders and Monster Hunter 3, and then tell me I’m wrong for being underwhelmed by what Pokémon’s bringing to the table in 2013.

Oh! A Boba Fett cookie!

Mon, 13 May 2013 16:35:57 -0400

Oh! A Boba Fett cookie!

Hey Max, what is your most favorite cosplay moment/least favorite?

Mon, 13 May 2013 14:18:24 -0400

My favorite cosplay moment might be Chaka Cumberbatch’s Captain America:

…and my least favorite cosplay moment might be the fact that some people have a problem with a hot black chick dressing up as Captain America. Seriously, fuck everything about that.

A black woman can’t dress up as Captain America, defender of truth and freedom and justice and the goddamn American way, because some rotten little MRA basement-dwellers don’t think it’s “canon?” That’s the definition of missing the point.

I’d love to pretend that I’m outraged by this for the sake of feminism and equality, but I’m more just embarrassed and furious that there are dudes out there who’d do something to prevent an attractive woman from dressing up like a superhero. Those guys don’t deserve nice things, eyesight, or functioning genitals.

Hi haters

Mon, 13 May 2013 00:20:17 -0400

Hi haters

burgersquid: atompunk: The science fiction magazine Fantastic...

Sun, 12 May 2013 12:59:41 -0400

burgersquid:

atompunk:

The science fiction magazine Fantastic Adventures shows us a glimpse of life on other planets from their 1939-1940 issues. While the alien designs are quite strange, they are meant to illustrate the different conditions on each planet, like gravity and atmosphere. All the planets besides Earth are included, even Pluto, plus Io, one of Jupiter’s moons.

I’m still not 100% convinced this isn’t real

Apparently Uranus is covered in holes with shitty little robots in them.

#tbt #thbbbbbt

Sat, 11 May 2013 23:28:40 -0400

#tbt #thbbbbbt

Photo

Sat, 11 May 2013 11:16:27 -0400