Firemen

Firefighters are great because they’re just like, a bunch of dudes who live in a special clubhouse, and when something catches on fire, they get all excited and put on funny outfits and slide down a pole and get in a big red car with lights and noisemakers on it. “WHOA WHOA WHOA LOOK AT US WE HATE FIRES WHOA WHOA WHOA” and then they go and shoot water at the fire until it’s gone.

Crime is scary and everything, but what’re the odds a policeman is gonna get set on fire doing his job? Cops are like “those teenagers over there are causing a ruckus” and firemen are like “if we don’t shoot water at this building, it will CEASE TO BE THERE.”

I’m sorry, it just blows my mind that we still have fires. We’ve been to space. We have a black president. Yet, we still have roving bands of men whose primary job is to protect us from the most evil of the four elements.